Jess' Blog

In the August 2008 ENSIGN Magazine, there was a very interesting article by Christine Packard & Wendy Ulrich called 'Single and Steadfast: Lessons in Hope'. Personally, I found this article quite insightful. Here's some of the gems of wisdom that stood out to me:

"…today more Latter-day Saint young adults are single for longer periods of time…Some may try to identify a “reason” that they haven’t been able to find a marriage partner, wondering if they are sufficiently attractive, fun, outgoing, or accomplished to interest potential marriage partners…Some wonder if God has forgotten them or if they did something to void His love or promises. Finding satisfaction, meaning, and happiness in life may require singles to…learn to live more peacefully with “what is,” neither ignoring nor overemphasizing the future."

"Accepting rather than resisting current singleness allows a focus on what one can learn—not just what one might lose—by being single."

"If you are just marking time waiting for a marriage prospect, stop waiting... and start moving. Prepare yourself for life - even a single life - by education, experience, and planning. Don't wait for happiness to be thrust upon you. Seek it out in service and learning. Make a life for yourself. And trust in the Lord." (Dallin H Oaks, 'Dating versus Hanging Out', Ensign, June 2006, 14)

"There is a difference between accepting a feeling as legitimate and real and being defined by that feeling. Often, real feelings deepen and expand when they are minimized or ignored. When singles experience feelings of loss, if they and those close to them will acknowledge and accept the feelings as simply real, singles can more readily transcend the pain and avoid defining themselves by their marital status or their feelings."

"Getting married is not the sole definition of success for singles. Success also includes being courageous and faithful in the face of loneliness and uncertainty, though it may not be the success singles most want."

"Developing a flexible support network allows singles to value and cultivate relationships not only with parents and siblings but also with roommates, married and single friends, Church members of all ages, neighbors, and co-workers. Emotional sustenance comes from those who support us, travel with us, pray for us, and know us deeply. These friends feel much like family members because we confide in them, because they stand by us in times of trouble, and because we trust them with our feelings. Building these connections reduces isolation and provides support for working through difficult times."

"“I need someone in my life that I can talk to almost every day—someone who remembers when I have a test or that it’s my birthday.”" ... Yep, that's one of the things i'm looking for too ;)

"Postponing physical intimacy can be a challenge, but singles can make a conscious choice for chastity as the current expression of their loving nature. They need not let unfulfilled longing become bitterness, escape to pornography, or completely suppress feelings. Instead, they can focus on learning the skills of true friendship and appropriate affection."

"Coming to know ourselves more fully, learning to listen well, expressing ourselves honestly, working through problems constructively, developing real empathy, and resisting temptation make us not only better prospective marriage partners but also better, happier people now."