Jess' Blog

Its interesting... When you experience a pivotal moment in your life and commit to change, how everything feels different.

Imagine, or think of a time, when you've experienced something that has stirred a change in you.

For me, it was 'the crucible' moment of my life - where life felt like the boiling point of trials and challenges; testing me, moulding me - and the very moment that i thought would kill me [literally], changed me.

I notice the change more and more everyday.

I want different things. I'm thinking in a new way. I'm more aware of my feelings. And i'm doing things i've always wanted to.

I'm making my life what i want it to be, right now, today!

One thing in particular that i've wanted to for a long time now is to move on.

"Move on from what?" you say..

Well here's the story:

For over a year i've been fighting the many feelings i've had towards a friend of mine.

[We had a 'thing' once - He moved on. I couldn't.]

Unrequited love is torture.

I desperately needed to end that chapter of my life.

So i did what many fear to do, I called. I poured my heart out and explained how I had been feeling.

I told him how i still had feelings for him despite the time that'd past and that i didn't want to feel that way anymore!

I told him how frustrated i felt because he could affect me so easily [I'd have so many thoughts ticking over in my head whenever i was near him that i would end up doing/saying something stupid!]

At a heated point in conversation, I asked him about his feelings about it all - about me - and he said, "What do you want me to say!?"

In my frustration, i was a little blunt in my reply: "What YOU really feel! YOU. Not what i want to hear, not what you 'should' say - what YOU want to say!"

Then it happened. He said it:

"What if there's nothing to say!?"

I learned an important lesson from this.

Sometimes the closure we seek in life can't be given to us by others. We must make it within ourselves.

I had called him hoping he would say, "I don't love you" believing that that would be the closure i needed to move on. But instead, there was nothing.

There didn't need to be anything.

Nothing turned out to be all i needed.

Other people can not be held responsible for bringing us our own inner peace (or misery), we do that for/to ourselves.

Now, coming back to you fellow bloggers, when you reach that moment in your life where change is only one decision away... "What if there's nothing [...]?"...

...Then you have a choice. Figure it out yourself, or, continue to wander in confusion and frustration. Find your own inner voice and make something to say!

I never knew i would find relief and peace in those 6 words, but i will be forever grateful for the lesson my dear friend taught me!